Stacey received some sad news on Friday about a friend who had passed away. Since it has always been my goal to have this site represent both the highs and lows of serving a mission, much like the mountains and valleys we each experience in our own daily lives, I have included this weeks letter. In it you will hear her express sadness, shock and grief, but as she closes she reminds us of the truths we know and believe in and the strength we can each gain from being committed and determined to move onward and upward....come what may. And so we will.
~Karen ~
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Matthew Alan Peterson 8/11/1986 ~ 5/19/2009 was born in Dayton, Ohio on August 11th 1986 to loving and proud parents Darwin Grant Peterson, Jr. and Celinda Kay P
eterson. He passed away at the age of 22 in South Jordan, Utah on May 19th 2009. He was a faithful servant of God and had served an honorable mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His mission and his faith were the pride and joy of his life. He was dedicated to truth and being an honorable man. He lived his life honorably and dedicated himself to striving to better himself. He was a happy positive young man who worked hard and did well in school. He was always willing to help in another's time of need. He looked to the future and never looked behind. He was known for his wonderful sense of humor that brought the joyful sound of laughter into any room he was in. He made friends easily and was loved by everyone who knew him. He will be remembered for the characteristics that best describe him Honor, Morality, Valiance, Righteousness, Humor, Faithfulness, Talented, Charitable, and Positive. He will be missed and always remembered by his loved ones who remain, which are his father Darwin Peterson, mother Celinda Peterson, brother Christopher Peterson, sister Crystal Versluis, brother-in-law Jordan Versluis, sister April Ferguson, brother-in-law Chadwick Ferguson, and nephews James and Andrew Versluis and Michael Ferguson, and his dear friend Stephen Nelson and the entire Nelson family whom he loved dearly as he loved his own family. A memorial will be held to honor this special man, brother, son, uncle, and friend on Tuesday, the 26th of May at 6:00 p.m. at the LDS chapel located at 1540 W. 10400 S. South Jordan, Utah.
Matthew Alan Peterson 8/11/1986 ~ 5/19/2009 was born in Dayton, Ohio on August 11th 1986 to loving and proud parents Darwin Grant Peterson, Jr. and Celinda Kay P
eterson. He passed away at the age of 22 in South Jordan, Utah on May 19th 2009. He was a faithful servant of God and had served an honorable mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His mission and his faith were the pride and joy of his life. He was dedicated to truth and being an honorable man. He lived his life honorably and dedicated himself to striving to better himself. He was a happy positive young man who worked hard and did well in school. He was always willing to help in another's time of need. He looked to the future and never looked behind. He was known for his wonderful sense of humor that brought the joyful sound of laughter into any room he was in. He made friends easily and was loved by everyone who knew him. He will be remembered for the characteristics that best describe him Honor, Morality, Valiance, Righteousness, Humor, Faithfulness, Talented, Charitable, and Positive. He will be missed and always remembered by his loved ones who remain, which are his father Darwin Peterson, mother Celinda Peterson, brother Christopher Peterson, sister Crystal Versluis, brother-in-law Jordan Versluis, sister April Ferguson, brother-in-law Chadwick Ferguson, and nephews James and Andrew Versluis and Michael Ferguson, and his dear friend Stephen Nelson and the entire Nelson family whom he loved dearly as he loved his own family. A memorial will be held to honor this special man, brother, son, uncle, and friend on Tuesday, the 26th of May at 6:00 p.m. at the LDS chapel located at 1540 W. 10400 S. South Jordan, Utah. A small family grave side service will be held in Chesaw, Washington for Matthew.
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5/26/09
First off, thanks for informing me as you did about Matt´s death. Having Hermana Benton call and tell me was the right choice because it gave me some time to try to come to terms with it all.
At first I felt like the Lord only let me carry 5% of it... and I was coping quite well. Then little by little He started letting me carry more and more. I would say I´m up to about 35-40% and it´s about 20% more than I would like to be carrying.
I am glad you found the pictures under my bed. I have more on a CD somewhere of when the three of us hiked Donut Falls, but it is obviously too late now.
I hope the pictures you found were good ones. I feel truly sad about it all even though I know all that I do about the Plan of Salvation. It doesn´t change the fact that it´s just sad. I have been praying a ton for Stephen and the rest of the Nelson and Peterson family.
Herman Benton called me at 10 pm on Friday and broke the news to me. I was so shocked and confused that I couldn´t remember even half of what she said. I was in denial until I said the companion prayer that night and then was super sad lying in bed trying to sleep. I woke up randomly and have ever since then-- and it´s amazing how your mind can cling to something. I wake up to go to the bathroom and without even consciously thinking it occurs to me that Matt died, and I can´t quite seem to forget it or push it away.
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5/26/09
First off, thanks for informing me as you did about Matt´s death. Having Hermana Benton call and tell me was the right choice because it gave me some time to try to come to terms with it all.
At first I felt like the Lord only let me carry 5% of it... and I was coping quite well. Then little by little He started letting me carry more and more. I would say I´m up to about 35-40% and it´s about 20% more than I would like to be carrying.
I am glad you found the pictures under my bed. I have more on a CD somewhere of when the three of us hiked Donut Falls, but it is obviously too late now.
I hope the pictures you found were good ones. I feel truly sad about it all even though I know all that I do about the Plan of Salvation. It doesn´t change the fact that it´s just sad. I have been praying a ton for Stephen and the rest of the Nelson and Peterson family.Herman Benton called me at 10 pm on Friday and broke the news to me. I was so shocked and confused that I couldn´t remember even half of what she said. I was in denial until I said the companion prayer that night and then was super sad lying in bed trying to sleep. I woke up randomly and have ever since then-- and it´s amazing how your mind can cling to something. I wake up to go to the bathroom and without even consciously thinking it occurs to me that Matt died, and I can´t quite seem to forget it or push it away.
Wouldn´t you know it that the very next day we were teaching the Plan of Salvation to a mother who's son had recently died as well. It was a lesson that left me quite confused about myself. I taught it all in a much more real way than I ever had before, but I was confused that I didn´t cry. She was crying a ton, and I almost felt her pain, but my heart was so numb that I just kept testifying and teaching--but I felt like I was in some other world.
For my own weird healing process I decided to write Matt a letter. I felt a little better after doing it. I turned to my getting over death scripture; Joel 2:12-13
“Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with mourning: and rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God; for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil.”
Talk about a coincidence... we were fasting when I found out. I have so many questions and feel powerless and so far away from the answers I need.
Today I read a talk a Stake President gave and he talked about a vision he had of the spirit world. He said that it was really like this giant school or library where many of the spirits are running around doing family history work. And anyway the point of it is to think of it like a transfer... you are just going to a different area, to do a different, but more important work. I´m trying to see it all like that.
So I promise I am keeping this email as positive as I can. It doesn´t help much that this has been such a draining transfer. It looks like it will be my first without baptisms because all of our investigators are struggling. I have fought almost 6 months in this area and was hoping to leave it on a high, full of incredible miracles worth the trial of my faith.
On the bright side, I learned how to make tortas fritas and tarta this week. They are both yummy. I made little torta fritas in the shape of a baptism (which is a figure of waves – like in water – and then an arrow pointing down in the water... I´ll explain better when I can draw you one.)
Also another thing to be thankful for since we´re playing “the glad game” is that next p-day is temple p-day. I have needed that for so long, once every transfer is just not enough for my soul.
Speaking of temples... the pictures you sent me of the Oquirrh Temple are amazing. Was it already dedicated? I can´t believe how spoiled we are to live within 15 minutes of 3 temples. It is a gorgeous one. I can´t wait to go to the 2 new temples when I get home.
Speaking of going home... interviews with the President this week and the news about Matt made me all reverse trunky. I don´t want to go home... in part because I don´t feel prepared to face what awaits me. Don´t let that feeling make you sad. Just try to understand that it is one way that my spirit is reacting to what is happening. It´s like a big denial thing.
Allow me to explain... we had interviews with the President and he showed me my little paper with my picture and the boxes that represent each transfer and according to the paper I only have 3 left. It was downright weird to see this paper saying that I am a “dying missionary.” I got all nervous because there are so many goals and dreams I haven´t reached yet, like baptizing a complete family. I thought to myself, “wow, I´ll be leaving before I know it... how scary is that!” And then that night I found out about Matt and it made me all weird – for lack of a better word for it.
We had a few days of major heat again.....and then we got caught in the freezing flooding rain yesterday. The weather here is literally unpredictable. I am sure it is totally predictable for those that can refer to the news every night, but since we can´t we hit the streets without umbrellas because we are just plain uninformed!
Good news for you guys... I don´t know if you knew this already, but inside the suitcase I sent home there is a white box (the same one you used the last time you sent me a package) Open the suitcase and remove only the white box. Inside you will find presents for you to enjoy--I hope you yike them!
Bytheway......I love pears and eat 2 of them a day!
The other day the police stopped us and questioned us saying that they had been called because we were behaving suspiciously. The only thing we can think of is that I took a picture of a grocery store sign that I thought was cool. If someone saw me do it, they might have called the police because sometimes they think Yankees are CIA. But the police were very friendly and let us go without a problem. I was all excited to show them my clergy certificate, but he was like, “no, no, it´s OK” and they left.
I will be transferred on the 8th of June and will be so happy to find my way in a new area. This area has been so hard. I have suffered (and of course grown) so much here. I guess I should have said I have grown (and suffered) so much here. That is what Dad said, "The mission can be rewarding and hard or hard and rewarding." I am trying to choose the right way of saying it and living it. Easier said than done.
I appreciate your desires for me to not be sad. If I could just snap my fingers and not be sad I would definitely do it. I would like to thank you for your prayers because I am keenly aware that I have only been able to cope as I have as a result of your prayers and everyone else who is praying for me.
It´s true what we say, “it just goes to show that we never know how long we will be here in this probationary state.”
I don´t know what else to say this week. If I go on, I´ll just say things less than positive. I´m just so heavy... does that make sense? I feel like I am literally under this big, dark cloud. I can´t shake it. I pray and pray and pray and pray and know He listens and is helping me a ton, but still feel so heavy. I feel guilty for feeling this way and that just makes me feel worse.
Oh, one happy thing that I can say is that my companion and I had a good long companionship inventory last Thursday and resolved our differences. We have gone 5 days without a single problem and we get along just like we did the first 2 blissful weeks. We laugh, we joke, we share... I´m not depressed all day long, and even when I am I still joke around with her. I´m just sad when I´m not really busy. You´d think then that that would make my grief quite bearable because I´m a busy missionary, but at the same time not so much because we have almost nobody to teach so the “busy” part is substituted for “street contacting and being rejected all day long.”
For my own weird healing process I decided to write Matt a letter. I felt a little better after doing it. I turned to my getting over death scripture; Joel 2:12-13
“Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with mourning: and rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God; for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil.”
Talk about a coincidence... we were fasting when I found out. I have so many questions and feel powerless and so far away from the answers I need.
Today I read a talk a Stake President gave and he talked about a vision he had of the spirit world. He said that it was really like this giant school or library where many of the spirits are running around doing family history work. And anyway the point of it is to think of it like a transfer... you are just going to a different area, to do a different, but more important work. I´m trying to see it all like that.
So I promise I am keeping this email as positive as I can. It doesn´t help much that this has been such a draining transfer. It looks like it will be my first without baptisms because all of our investigators are struggling. I have fought almost 6 months in this area and was hoping to leave it on a high, full of incredible miracles worth the trial of my faith.
On the bright side, I learned how to make tortas fritas and tarta this week. They are both yummy. I made little torta fritas in the shape of a baptism (which is a figure of waves – like in water – and then an arrow pointing down in the water... I´ll explain better when I can draw you one.)
Also another thing to be thankful for since we´re playing “the glad game” is that next p-day is temple p-day. I have needed that for so long, once every transfer is just not enough for my soul.
Speaking of temples... the pictures you sent me of the Oquirrh Temple are amazing. Was it already dedicated? I can´t believe how spoiled we are to live within 15 minutes of 3 temples. It is a gorgeous one. I can´t wait to go to the 2 new temples when I get home.
Speaking of going home... interviews with the President this week and the news about Matt made me all reverse trunky. I don´t want to go home... in part because I don´t feel prepared to face what awaits me. Don´t let that feeling make you sad. Just try to understand that it is one way that my spirit is reacting to what is happening. It´s like a big denial thing.
Allow me to explain... we had interviews with the President and he showed me my little paper with my picture and the boxes that represent each transfer and according to the paper I only have 3 left. It was downright weird to see this paper saying that I am a “dying missionary.” I got all nervous because there are so many goals and dreams I haven´t reached yet, like baptizing a complete family. I thought to myself, “wow, I´ll be leaving before I know it... how scary is that!” And then that night I found out about Matt and it made me all weird – for lack of a better word for it.
We had a few days of major heat again.....and then we got caught in the freezing flooding rain yesterday. The weather here is literally unpredictable. I am sure it is totally predictable for those that can refer to the news every night, but since we can´t we hit the streets without umbrellas because we are just plain uninformed!
Good news for you guys... I don´t know if you knew this already, but inside the suitcase I sent home there is a white box (the same one you used the last time you sent me a package) Open the suitcase and remove only the white box. Inside you will find presents for you to enjoy--I hope you yike them!
Bytheway......I love pears and eat 2 of them a day!
The other day the police stopped us and questioned us saying that they had been called because we were behaving suspiciously. The only thing we can think of is that I took a picture of a grocery store sign that I thought was cool. If someone saw me do it, they might have called the police because sometimes they think Yankees are CIA. But the police were very friendly and let us go without a problem. I was all excited to show them my clergy certificate, but he was like, “no, no, it´s OK” and they left.
I will be transferred on the 8th of June and will be so happy to find my way in a new area. This area has been so hard. I have suffered (and of course grown) so much here. I guess I should have said I have grown (and suffered) so much here. That is what Dad said, "The mission can be rewarding and hard or hard and rewarding." I am trying to choose the right way of saying it and living it. Easier said than done.
I appreciate your desires for me to not be sad. If I could just snap my fingers and not be sad I would definitely do it. I would like to thank you for your prayers because I am keenly aware that I have only been able to cope as I have as a result of your prayers and everyone else who is praying for me.
It´s true what we say, “it just goes to show that we never know how long we will be here in this probationary state.”
I don´t know what else to say this week. If I go on, I´ll just say things less than positive. I´m just so heavy... does that make sense? I feel like I am literally under this big, dark cloud. I can´t shake it. I pray and pray and pray and pray and know He listens and is helping me a ton, but still feel so heavy. I feel guilty for feeling this way and that just makes me feel worse.
Oh, one happy thing that I can say is that my companion and I had a good long companionship inventory last Thursday and resolved our differences. We have gone 5 days without a single problem and we get along just like we did the first 2 blissful weeks. We laugh, we joke, we share... I´m not depressed all day long, and even when I am I still joke around with her. I´m just sad when I´m not really busy. You´d think then that that would make my grief quite bearable because I´m a busy missionary, but at the same time not so much because we have almost nobody to teach so the “busy” part is substituted for “street contacting and being rejected all day long.”
I´m sorry. I don´t mean to be negative. I don´t want to complain... I know it doesn´t help you guys at all. I know that it is the last thing you need to read. You deserve a 5 page letter saying “all is well, it´s ok, I´ve totally accepted and overcome Matt´s death, we are baptizing 3 families this Saturday and I lost 5 pounds from walking so much and eating such well-balanced meals prepared by the members!” That´s what you deserve to read. I know. I know. Complaining only makes things worse. I know, I know. I´m sorry. I´m trying to be happy, but my mind is swimming in confusion of knowing that the mission is quickly coming to a close.
One story that is a little more happy; we are super protected. The other day when we found our investigator drinking and smoking we were shielded from all danger. It was night, it was dark, they were all drunk, and yet I feared nothing. I literally have that invincible belief that most 18 year-old boys have. There are many times when I stop and think, “hey, I should be nervous about all this. We don´t know who these people are... etc.” And yet I think, “but I´m not scared.”
I know what will make me feel better:
I know the church is true! I know that Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ. I know he was called to be a prophet and restore the gospel. I know he received the Priesthood keys and that as a result, families can be together forever. The Book of Mormon is true. Jesus is the Christ. He is my Savior and Redeemer. Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. We are never left alone. The gospel is the only way to find happiness. I have been called of God to preach His doctrine. I am a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am fighting at His side and we will win. I know I will see my Savior again. I know that I will look into His eyes and worship at His feet. There is nothing that could stop me from persevering to the end. I will never give up, I will never quit. I will never surrender.
Of THIS I am sure!
Hermana Jensen
This too shall pass, and when it does, I will be a better, stronger Disciple of Christ for having made it through.
Take care, you are in my prayers!
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Lauren said...
I stumbled across your blog while looking for some more information about Matt. I didn't find out until a few days ago and it was too late for us to attend the memorial.
Matt served his mission in my home town. He taught my sister-in-law and her family and was such an amazing and dedicated missionary. He became good friends with my family and I've been able to see him a few times in Provo while we're at school here.
It was comforting to me to read your testimony. I'm sure you're doing a great job of teaching the gospel to those searching for it. Take care!
MAY 31, 2009 9:08 PM
I stumbled across your blog while looking for some more information about Matt. I didn't find out until a few days ago and it was too late for us to attend the memorial.
ReplyDeleteMatt served his mission in my home town. He taught my sister-in-law and her family and was such an amazing and dedicated missionary. He became good friends with my family and I've been able to see him a few times in Provo while we're at school here.
It was comforting to me to read your testimony. I'm sure you're doing a great job of teaching the gospel to those searching for it. Take care!